Being "Right" Offers Little Peace

I’m not sure that there is anyone that doesn’t like to be right. I’ve spent much of my life being obsessed with “rightness.” Easily we all can get obsessed with having the “right” answer, doing the “right” thing, acting the “right” way, winning arguments to prove how “right” I am. However if you haven’t noticed this yet, it’s not only impossible to be right all the time it’s exhausting, stressful, and no fun for us or others.

I was taught that being an atheist, an evolutionist, pro-choice, homosexual, or belonging to some other religion was reprehensible. Why? Because these people didn’t believe what was “right” according to what I was taught. Now I don’t know if everyone had such a strong emphasis on being right, but I know that it was very prominent in the circle in which I was raised. I was taught that Heaven was the ultimate goal, and those who got it “right” went there.

Now I am neither condoning nor condemning any of the activities mentioned above. That is not the point. The point is that an obsessive need to be “right” is irrational, but, sadly, very common. The extreme of this irrational thinking is the anti-abortionist who preaches about the sanctity of life and then murders a doctor who performs abortions. However the more common examples are often not so evident. Some of us get easily upset because we insist that others do things the “right” (our) way. Yet, isn’t it more important to do the right thing than do things right?

There are many reasons to give up our addiction to being ‘right.’ First, consider what we are doing when we make pronouncements that you are either for me or against me, or that it’s my way or the highway, or that I’m right and you’re wrong. Aren’t we being arrogant, combative, self-righteous, presumptuous, judgmental, narrow-minded, alienating and divisive? Don’t they disrupt harmony and peace and lead to conflict and suffering?

When I insist that I’m “right,” I slam the door of my mind. I remain locked in past beliefs. I stop growing. I have a shallow understanding and limited choice. But if I change my focus and let go of having to be “right” something magical happens. The moment I accept the fact that others have different views and willingly consider them, rather than fight them, I am transformed. Transformed from a prisoner to an adventurer and explorer to know the One who is all rightness and in Him resides peace.

The obsession to be “right” means to be cut off from the untold riches of life. It is also to be unhappy and know very little peace. And that’s simply because it is impossible to control the thoughts and opinions in the minds of others. So, when they fail to live up to our demand for agreement, we feel frustrated, disappointed, alienated and lonely.

But then if the demand to be “right” is self-defeating, why do we engage in it? For some it is the discomfort of uncertainty because there is no stability beyond their opinions and beliefs. Yet, when if we would think of uncertainty as surprise, wonder, awe, growth, opportunity, and delight, we can embrace it. Others tenaciously cling to their opinions because it defines their identity. Some need to show off their ‘superiority’ to compensate for their feelings of inferiority. But we are not our opinions. We are loved by Abba Father always, forever and unconditionally even with our views that are still so flawed and incomplete. When we learn rest in Him, we don’t lose our identity; we find it and enrich it.

A little boy looked up and asked his mother “Why do all the big people disagree and get angry with each other?”
She replied, “I don’t know it’s always been that way. Maybe you can change things when you grow up.”
“How?” he asked.
“Well,” she said, “Instead of trying to be right, try to be loving.”

Good advice.