For Those Who Don't Like Mother's Day

You can't miss the occasion of Mother's Day. Advertisers and retailers refuse to let us. Wherever we turn there they are selling gifts from flowers to facials, and everything in between. In the days leading up to Mother’s Day we are bombarded with loving images of mothers and their babies everywhere we go.

As a preacher Mother’s Day has always been somewhat challenging in knowing how to deal with it because the reality is that for some women this is a difficult day. Some will have recently lost their own mother and it has impacted them deeply. Some have had abusive mothers that have left painful wounds and deep scars. Some are infertile or have lost new lives to miscarriage or stillbirth, which makes this a day that is hard to celebrate. Some have troubled marriages and struggle with how their marital problems impact negatively their parenting. Mother’s Day also poses a challenge for all parents who have lost a child, be it through wartime battle, disease, accident or suicide. Holidays are frequently hard for bereaved people, especially the holidays that celebrate the role they have played in the very someone they have lost. This is why for many women the hype of Mother's Day salts their wounds of childlessness, bereavement, or estrangement and just is not a day that they look forward to.

Now of course motherhood is a good thing and the holiday was created to honor mothers and their frequently unrecognized work. Unfortunately, we too often take our cues from an unrealistic romantic fantasy and our own suburban dreams. As a result, women who don’t fit into the image or whose experiences don’t fit the image are further wounded in church celebrations of Mother's Day.

Often our idealized images of motherhood are inaccurate, and I think many mothers will be relieved to see that the Bible reveals the same. Ruth was left childless and widowed at a young age. Rachel, Hannah, and Sarah were infertile. Eve and Mary lost sons under terrible circumstances. Two mothers of two kings, both named Ahaziah, encouraged their sons to be wicked and unjust. The prodigal son acted with terrible disrespect toward each of his parents. The Bible shares stories of women who are just like those we know. They are women living out diverse life circumstances, sometimes thriving, sometimes coping, and sometimes going under.

The fairy tale of marriage and motherhood is just that, a fairy tale. Our culture is one of motherhood deferred due to later childbearing, motherhood disrupted by divorce, motherhood lost by infant and child death or miscarriage, and motherhood unachieved due to infertility and undesired singleness. Of course, our culture also includes wonderful families with strong marriages and happy children and that should not go unnoticed either. However the point is that there is not a “one size fits all journey” of womanhood, and we hurt women in our churches by celebrating one path over all others.

As far as I can tell, Father never promised that everyone would have good relationships with their mothers or that they all of us would be parents. But what he did say is that we would experience troubles, sadness and longing in life in this journey with him. After all we did ask for independence and now we are living in it. As a result we may be deeply disappointed in life. Some will long to be mothers while others will long to be mothered. Some will give and receive a mother’s love and others won't. This is sad, but true. Motherhood must not be the resting place for a women's hopes for wholeness. Abba Father’s love can only be the true place of rest because the one who is love will make us whole.

So let's be a little more gentle this Mother's Day. Let's celebrate with the women who have happy families. Let's remember the women, men, girls, and boys who are hurt by their mothers. Let's remember the mothers who have lost their children. Let's remember the women who long to be wives and mothers, but aren't. But in it all may we discover what it means to live in the love of the Father who mothers us all.