Living In Relationship In The Now
One of the things that you experience when you drive in a metropolitan area is that you will almost always encounter someone who is in a rush to get somewhere. Just yesterday I had a fellow pass me on a two lane highway at an extremely high rate of speed narrowly avoiding a head on collision. In fact there would have been had I not braked hard and slowed down to allow him to get back in the right lane. He was obviously in a rush to get somewhere but the irony was that after his narrow escape he couldn’t get passed any more vehicles and had to remain right in front of me for a number of miles until he reached the place he turned off the highway.
This whole incident got me to think about how everyone today seems to be in a rush to be somewhere else in more areas than when they are driving. How often do people talk about how they can't wait to graduate, get married, start a new position or career, go on vacation or to get home from vacation. People can't wait for Friday, Monday, summer, winter or some other day in the spring.
It seems to me that a great lesson I need to learn better is to know and experience the idea that life and relationships are lived in the now. It’s a lesson that all likely have a place they can apply it.
A thought that has recently had a big impact on me is to realize that people who are impatient tend to live in the future and they miss the beauty of now. They are never content with the way things are or with the way people are. They seem to always want to rush the timetable of the universe. For those who know what I’m talking about, you know people who are like this are always living with frustration, anxiety and stress.
Ultimately things happen when they are ready. Only someone very foolish would plant his or her garden on a sunny Saturday in May and then expect results on Sunday morning. All things take time. Some take more time than others. Some things take a lifetime while others, years to reach maturity, fulfillment or success.
Another characteristic of impatient people that miss out on the beauty of now is that they tend to have fewer friends and real relationships. They are difficult to be around because of their impatience with you, with who you are or with what you do. They feel a need to fix people. They can’t tolerate the reality of where people are now.
The fact is that if you ask enough people you will discover that we all need fixing in some way. Someone, somewhere will have a problem with one of our attitudes, philosophies, behaviors, beliefs, priorities and values. The interesting thing I have discovered is that many of the people who are into fixing others are in need some major work themselves.
Recently I read that people don't change, they just grow older. And if they are lucky they learn a few things along the way that make them better, stronger people. Is that true? I suspect it is for the simple reason because I know how effective someone is when he or she tries to change me. What all that means then (and it’s sobering) is that I have wasted a lot of time and effort on trying to do something that doesn’t work and has had a negative impact on relationships.
I’ve come to a place where I want to learn better what it means to accept people for what and who they are. And one of the things I’ve seen so far is that acceptance happens only if I’m willing to let people to be themselves. I have to rid myself of the expectations of what I want them to be or think they should be. However acceptance of people does not mean I must always be supportive. I can accept people who keep insisting on making poor choices or prodigal choices but to truly love them sometimes means I can’t be supportive. It means I refuse to try to fix their thinking and their insistence on making bad choices. It means I accept their right to destroy themselves if that’s what it takes for them to experience Father’s love in the present realities of their lives.